What The Hell Is A Justin Bieber?

Posted on October 4, 2010

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There has been a lot of online controversy about this 16-year-old kid with the butter tones making a comment that “He feels like the Kurt Cobain of his generation because people just don’t understand him.”

I wanted to talk about what this idiot is suffering from that would make him talk publically on Twitter like this. You need to be made aware that he is suffering from a sickness that in today’s world, we cannot develop a solution for without some kind of a backhand swing. Literally.

Justin Bieber is a kid from a disgustingly rich family. He doesn’t know what it is to want, or for that matter, to strive to get something. He’s been fed with a silver spoon for his short 16 years of existence. This slow growing sickness, called opulent wealth, has clearly deteriorated any potential his brain would have to understand what creating musical artistry of any worth is like. Unfortunately, this sort of brain cancer is virtually irreversible. Once the onset begins, there is no reversal of the damage brought on from its existence.

At 16 years old, we were all invincible. Remember the times? You would throw a couple of mattresses off a balcony and jump 15 feet onto them and think you could fly. You dove off quarry rocks into murky water and thought you were made of steel. You drove 115 miles per hour for two miles down the highway and thought you were Chuck Yeager because you were lucky enough to not have a tire blow out or a puddle of oil slide you into a ditch.

Un-like most 16-year-old kids, Justin has just been fortunate. He hasn’t seen the result of a car crash or broken neck due to stupidity without luck, and this has created a blinder that manipulates his vision of what reality is and isn’t. He really can’t tell the difference, and the only thing that removes those blinders is time.

As for the timing of “his generation”, it could be said that he was the first sperm to develop from the post Cobain Generation. At 16, he would really be the first wave of potentially respectable kids raised by the actual generational aged teens to have been influenced by the work of Nirvana at the height of their radio and mainstream popularity. Barely! Depending on the view and timeframe, he might actually be the very last of the actual Cobain generation. That could be a matter of weeks, depending on his exact birth, and I didn’t feel like getting that into it, but the kid is still a piss-ant.

So lets take a look at what exactly he said again. He feels that because it seems that no one understands him, he must be like Kurt Cobain.

This is pathetic. To begin touching on the Cobain experience, Kurt Cobain was COMPLETELY understood. He was understood by an entire generation of kids who felt that with their parents both out working jobs, the house empty, a constant flow of incoming entertainment with Cable TV, the Internet, X-Box and freedoms beyond what any kid is deserving of at their ages and absolutely nothing in life to stand up for – there was no purpose to beat down a dogma and they literally had nothing of intrinsic value to stimulate any sense of self worth. Most of the kids we refer to as the Cobain Generation simply turned inward on themselves and found depression. Parents who didn’t understand why the kids wouldn’t go outside and play didn’t realize that the limited social interaction they had with their own kids was a big affecter and rather than try to talk to them or spend time with them, drugs could balance their sensitivities and so the world dragged on like walking through a muddy field until the only thing they hadn’t tried to get a response from people was suicide. With the little effort many kids put forth, they actually accomplished something. They killed themselves and the world might have been better for it. God knows, the last thing we need is a country full of depressed, rich brats who don’t give a fuck how they affect people outside of the little black hole that they dwell in. Furthermore, with the whiney Christians and the Wal-Mart cameras in parking lots, you weren’t allowed to smack your kid upside the head anymore without a stranger invading your privacy with a bible and a lawsuit.

Again I say – Fuck you.

So Justin compares himself to someone who was completely understood by a wealth of loners who wanted to be absolutely different, just like everyone else. It’s not that we don’t understand you Justin – it’s that we do understand you and we don’t care!!! You are the next passing fad and will soon be in a gutter next to Britney Spears and that douche-bag guy with the small head she was married to for 12 minutes.

Now, about Kurt Cobain. Being from the hair metal genre, you might not believe that I am going to say what is about to be said. Kurt had talent. It wasn’t in the ability to play a guitar, sing or write a song – it was in the ability he had to say what he was feeling through his lousy songs. He so encapsulated what an entire planet of kids was feeling that the entire mainstream market was moved to support his emotion-grinding songs and make sure that everyone owned a copy of the CD or at least heard his shitty music daily on the radio. Further proof that he understood what these kids were feeling is that he had everything a musical artist fights to get – the opulent wealth, the fame and visibility that musical artists dream of and the ability to keep driving it forward without end, but again – because he felt exactly what the other kids were feeling, he blew his stubble-ridden jaw off the side of his own face.

Tell me he didn’t have a knack for drama. Absolute Genius!!!

So, a final return to this Justin Beiber kid. He’s got the wealth, the support to drive forward and the potential to affect a generation of kids who haven’t found out what life is all about yet. True, he could be the Kurt Cobain of his generation. If someone gives him a shotgun for his 17th birthday, he might have a better chance at it.

Please Santa, bring back Randy Rhoads and saw a barrel off for Justin Beiber.

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